Living Wannabe

I don’t even know how to act around people. Don’t know how to remember how I was before. And the sad thing is, that includes my mother.

Not Really

Just put the weight back on whilst on holiday- am now 141. :( Hopefully won’t get back off track again now I’m back.

Yay!

Okay, so turns out I’m already at my first goal weight!

Gonna get a second ear lobe piercing with my birthday money, hopefully. Just a couple weeks, then!

Goals!

Okay, so I think the 1st weight loss goal was a bit of a stretch, and I just saw a nice way of motivating myself on somebody else’s Tumblr. :) Hope this works:

1) 135 pounds- I may have a second ear lobe piercing

2) 130 pounds- I may buy myself a new piece of jewelry

3) 125 pounds- I may get another ear lobe piercing

4) 120 pounds- I may buy myself a new piece of jewelry

5) 115 pounds- I may buy a CROP TOP!

6) Ultimate Goal Weight of 110 pounds- After saving and thinking about this huge reward to keep me going, I may go on a shopping spree. 

It’s a Start

Starting weight: 140 lbs

Goal weight: 126 lbs

Height: 5’9

It hurts to know there’s not somebody out there who knows I’m lying when I say ‘I’m just tired’ or ‘I’m fine.’ And if there is, God, can I meet them yet?

Found Out I Weight A Whole Stone More Than I Thought I Did. My Mother Is A BITCH.

Yeah, she lied. Firstly, I thought I’d put on a stone. My mom told me the scales were fucked- I believed her because I had no idea I’d been carrying all this extra weight, like the fucking useless beggar that I am. So, today all I’m consumed is a 105-calorie banana and two, no-calorie glasses of water. Am about to drink some more. Wish me luck, because I sure as hell need it if I don’t wanna carry on walking around with a 20.4 BMI.

Have decided I’m going to call up my doctors and ask if I can see them without my parents knowing, because they is no God-damn way that I’m gonna’ tell my mother.

Seems like now I’m able to, I cry at everything.

It’s taken me nearly a year to, firstly, decide that crying was weak, then fall into depression, start wanting to cry, not being to cry and finally doing it- enough to ruin my mascara, but not exactly the sobbing I was hoping for. Do I feel better? No. Just even more worthless and a whole lot disappointed.